through the fire

I can't turn off the big sister part of me.

Isn't it my job to take care of others, to help them, to carry their burden, to make everything all better? If they are sick, I want to heal them, if they are doing stupid things I want to tell them what to do instead. If they need money, I want to pay for them, if they are in trouble, I want to take away the consequences for them.

When I got the first email from my friend saying "they found a lump the size of a baseball" I couldn't breathe. I had a flashback to the 8th grade, when we discovered that my mom had cancer. Turns out, I learned yesterday, 9 days before her wedding, my friend has the same kind my mom did. (Mom's good now - has been cancer free for 10 years.) It's just so evil, all of the things she's going to have to go through. She's going to get through it - she's one of the strongest, emotionally healthy, physically healthy (otherwise) people I know. And anyway, who am I to write about her pain? I just wish I could take all of this away for her - I'd even go through it myself instead if I could. Instead I must settle for praying for her. Doesn't that sound funny? Ridiculous? In fact, hubristic? "Settle for" praying for her - when that is the most helpful thing I can do? Why is that the hardest when it's what is most necessary?

So pray I will with all of my heart - to the One who promised,
"But now," thus says the LORD, your Creator... And He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior... . Since you are precious in My sight, Since you are honored and I love you... . Do not fear, for I am with you... . Everyone who is called by My name, And whom I have created for My glory, I have formed, even whom I have made."