Addicted to Ink

Simple...not easy

2010-04-09T22:12:00.004-04:00

As many of you know, the last year has had a lot of ups and downs for me - (the short version follows:)
Up, up UP - the birth of another healthy, beautiful baby boy - the blessings of managing to keep our jobs in this awful economy, overall health, watching Dominic grow and learn and develop, and generally being really grateful for what we do have.
DOWN, down, down - my dad's death, a new baby who was really colicky and cried A LOT, some extremely difficult moments with my job, constantly fearing that Mike's job would be lost, Mike breaking his hip, juggling lots of changes and just adjusting to a household with two under 2... then more difficult moments with my job, and some frustrating personal stuff.

These ups & downs have left me feeling stuck in a sort of roller coaster for some time now - just sort of going with the ups and downs and not really having a clue how to get off of the ride or out of the amusement park! The problem with being in a roller coaster is that you don't have control - you don't have brakes or an escape or anything.

But last week, the most important person in my life did some things for me, because of me, that may seem small to others and small in the scheme of things, but helped me really "get it" that the toughest lesson to live is the simplest: truly treat others as you would have them treat you.

I was trying to live the advice I'd read in an article ( http://kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/helphealing/onewayturnaround.html ) lately - "Someone has to choose to be everything their spouse needs them to be rather than yearning for their spouse to be everything they need." - and making tiny steps in that direction, but he's the one who legitimately did that and took the big steps.

Treating others as you would have them treat you sounds so simple, right?

And we've heard it so many times that it certainly shouldn't be earth shattering. But it kinda was for me, because if I'm going to be the kind of wife, mom, employee, colleague, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend, church member, citizen, that I want to be, I need to be more intentional about doing that very thing - loving others as I love myself. With full recognition, of course, that the first commandment is even more important - Loving God with all my heart, soul, and mind.

Somehow, even though I know that I'll still have lots of ups and downs (that's just life), I feel like those kindnesses and that realization helped me get off the ride and even out of the park and back in control of my attitude - and to a position that allows me to be intentional.

If I get nothing else right in life, these are the things I want to do correctly: love God and love the people in my life with everything that I am... no matter the circumstances.

Loooooong Time...

2010-04-08T23:45:00.002-04:00

Okay, so it's been a REALLY.long.time since I've posted.
But I've kind of missed you, blog.

Life has just been so busy... happening.

My kids...they are just growing up so darn fast.

Tonight, Zachary started singing the "hot dog" song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Hellooo - he hasn't said "mama" in a long time - and he's singing the hot dog song? I don't know whether to be proud (isn't it a little early to be singing?) or sad... does that mean we're not bonding well? (Nah - he really is a Mama's boy. I think his brother's just teaching him too many things!)

(I posted just for you, Uncle Dean. I promise, I'll try to post more soon!)

Sad

2009-01-21T16:14:00.003-05:00

When I worked as a reporter for newspapers, I loved my job.
It was so great to always be meeting new people, to hear new stories, to learn new perspectives, to see the world in a slightly different way.
And these days, I'm thinking that maybe I missed my calling & should've been a political reporter - I feel as though I am truly able to see things from many perspectives. The topic fascinates me greatly and sure, I have my own biases, but I feel as though I could be pretty darn objective.

But my job right now can't get much better. Sure there are issues there (where aren't there?) but the benefits are too many to count. When working for a newspaper, I was doing all kinds of stories (news, feature, etc.) every day, which I loved. Working for a magazine, however, the pace is much slower. You have more time to dig deeper, to get to know people a little better, to get more of their story. And for this particular magazine - I share a common tapestry with all of them.

In college, a friend told me that I always got too attached to my stories. I guess I still do. Which makes it that much harder when tragedy hits the "subjects." Today I learned that one of the liveliest women I've ever met - and one of my favorite interviews in how many years - has weeks to live, at best - her cancer has returned with a vengeance. Her children asked for extra magazine copies to display at her funeral.

Karen, thanks for welcoming so many to the Table of Plenty.
http://www.malonemagazine.com/fall-2008/come-to-the-table-of-plenty

The tour of "No"

2009-01-06T10:03:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, Dominic's grandma came over for dinner.
After dinner, Mike & I went upstairs to pay bills (oh, the exciting life of newish parents!) while Little D kept Grandma entertained.
He decided to take her on the tour of "No." He led her over to the bookshelf by the mantle, climbed up onto the bottom shelf, and shook his head "No."
Then he led her over to the French door with a register behind it. He picked up the register cover, shook his head "No" and put the register back down.
Then he took her to an electrical outlet, touched a cord, and shook his head "No."
Then he went to the tv, pretended to push the button, and shook his head, "No."
Finally he led her into the kitchen, persuaded her to give him sippy cup of milk (which she happily obliged), marched back to the living room, sat down, took a big gulp of milk, and gave her an ornery grin. He was done!

Just in case...

2008-12-29T13:35:00.003-05:00

Just in case anyone finds me on here rather than Facebook and you don't know yet... Michael & I are having another boy.
We're still working on a name, and think we've found one, but we're still mulling it over for a while.
Meanings of names are very important to me - Dominic Michael means "Belonging to God" and "Who is Like God?"

Here's a hint: the name that we're considering means "God has Remembered" and "Beloved" (We're pretty sure this will be the middle name regardless). Another choice we're considering means "Watchful one" and would be significant to both Mike and me for multiple reasons. Email me if you think you know what they are (hee, hee!).

Hope you all are well!

amber

THREE days in a row?

2008-11-18T09:27:00.002-05:00

Advice, please.

So when you have a very ornery, very curious one-year-old boy who is into EVERYTHING - especially things that plug in and glow and have cords and that he's not supposed to touch... what do you do about a Christmas tree?

Thanks!

- amber

How 'bout this - two days in a row!

2008-11-17T13:28:00.002-05:00

snowflakes

2008-11-16T23:28:00.002-05:00

Okay, so sorry fam, for those of you who check this blog every day (?) to see that the last time I posted was October 2. Sorry!

Life has been a little - okay a lot - nuts lately - especially these past few weeks - and this upcoming week, I think there is something happening every single night. That would be why I'm updating this blog at 11:31, I guess.

As a fun note, Dominic enjoyed snowflakes today as we rushed from the car to church (I was late, of course, so I had to park at the library down the street... he got to experience quite a lot of them!). The last time it was snowing, he was, of course, being toted around in his little cocoon carrier, snuggled beneath lots of layers. So he was very curious about them, and tasted a few. He was behaved himself for most of the service, but decided he'd had enough in the last few minutes. So he wriggled out of my arms and crawled underneath the pew (I sit in the back row) and off he went! Of course, I was right behind him, and he was off to play with the other toddlers.

I think most of you have seen Dom's birthday photos - but if not, here's a link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2017696&l=6cfb9&id=160801690, and of course, there's one on this post.

Another Playdate

2008-10-02T12:08:00.004-04:00

My friend Madeleine & I were playing in the "forest."
My favorite things to play with were the outlet plugs, but Mommy wouldn't let me.
So this log was my second favorite.

I liked this dragon in the forest, too. So did Madeleine.

We had fun together.

Yes, yes, bad blogger!

2008-09-25T09:25:00.002-04:00

Hi, all. Sorry for being a bad blogger lately - and as it's a very busy fall (is there any other kind?) I can't promise to get much better lately!

These days I'm involved in far too many things, one of the most exciting of which is being one of four leaders for a new org at Malone called "Be:justice" in which we teach students and learn about important social justice issues. Since learning about Nhu's story (see 'Remember Nhu' link on right), I have been made aware of the despicable issue of human trafficking, and feel that God is allowing me more and more opportunities to raise awareness about it. This morning there was an inspiring op-ed in the New York Times about trafficking by Nicholas Kristof about a survivor who is now a crusader. You can read the article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/25/opinion/25kristof.html?th&emc=th

And you can write to Senators Brownback and Biden to ask them to STOP blocking legislation against traffickers here:
Brownback: http://brownback.senate.gov/CMEmailMe.cfm
Biden: http://biden.senate.gov/services/contact/

Thanks :)

And now, for Dominic pics... I would never disappoint!
The boy is growing, growing, growing and learning, learning, learning. He's also in a lot of pain lately, as he's getting FOUR TOP TEETH AT ONCE! Poor boy!
He's cracking us up by saying "No" in the proper context ("Say Dada" "Can you please take a drink of your milk?" "Come here, please") even though we don't think he necessarily knows what he's saying. He's also shaking his head, just for fun, waving on command, and I'm dragging him away from the television (he wants to play with the characters) about 30 times a day!

Okay, Liss - here you go!

2008-09-17T23:04:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I can pretend this picture is artsy, but who are we kidding? It was taken with my cell phone of two darling babies trying to decide whether to look out the window or steal each other's binkies.

This is a better picture (not taken by me, of course) of two darling boys putting down their sippy cups for two minutes, one to play with a pretend camera, the other to stare directly into the camera like the photographer's child that he is.

And, yes, Allissa, life is more than a bit insane lately... just trying to juggle it all and a half-catch away from dropping a plate ;) But it's all good. Love ya!

p.s. thanks, everyone, for the advice about the sweater vest... he's worn it once since, but that's it :)

You decide...

2008-09-02T01:24:00.003-04:00

So Friday night Mommy bought me this green sweater vest.
I wore it to church on Sunday - along with khaki shorts that matched the stripes in my shirt. But at Aunt Carrie's, I got bananas all over my shorts, so Mommy was only able to snap this picture with her cell phone before she had to change my clothes.

But when Daddy got home and saw my vest, he said it would be perfect - for a baby sister - and he didn't want his son wearing that color of green!

So, Gram, Aunties, and friends... Mommy wants to know what you think? Does the "lettuce" green stay or go to my cousin Abbi?

Hmmm...

2008-08-25T22:27:00.002-04:00

Which do I like better, carrots or pasta?

My "Angel" Boy

2008-08-23T08:58:00.009-04:00

Last night, D had a new food added to his repertoire. Daddy was at work, so these pictures don't even begin to do it justice. However, you still may enjoy them...

Allissa inspired

2008-08-17T19:24:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I was on my way to the store, but out of ideas of what to make for our church potluck today. So I called my sisters - one of which wasn't home (but always has wonderful ideas), and the other of which was home and thankfully, gave me several great ideas. She makes a dip that has chicken, ranch dressing, cheese, bacon, and onions. Yum. I varied that a little to make it into a casserole (what's a potluck without a casserole, right?) And despite the fact that I could never compare to some of the amazing cooks at our Mennonite church, not a single grain of rice was left when I went to collect my dish! Um, this is not AT ALL a healthy dish, by the way!

So here's the Allissa-inspired-dish-recipe:

2 cups cooked, cubed chicken (or 3 cans - either way!)
2 cups cooked rice
1 package of cream cheese
1/4 of a chopped onion
1/2 bottle ranch dressing
1 can of mushrooms, drained
1 package of Oscar-Meyer bacon bits (real, ready to serve bacon that you can find in the "salad accessories" aisle. I know it's cheating, but I hate the smell of bacon cooking!)
1 bag shredded colby jack (or your choice of cheese)

Mix ingredients together, saving some cheese for the top of the casserole. Bake for an hour at 350. Watch it disappear! Um, Megs, if you still eat cheese, you could even make it (not vegan) but vegetarian - and a bit healthier - by replacing the chicken & bacon with red peppers & yellow squash. Mmm - maybe I'll try it that way next!

Because we had a big lunch, I'm now feeding D fresh blueberries & rice cereal for dinner. Weird, but oh, well. He's a happy camper.

I also did children's time at church today, and we were talking about "chores" so I found it the perfect excuse to read them the poem of Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout who would not take the garbage out. Does anyone remember that?

Just for fun, here it is :)

SARAH CYNTHIA SYLVIA STOUT
WOULD NOT TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
Would not take the garbage out!
She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans,
Candy the yams and spice the hams,
And though her daddy would scream and shout,
She simply would not take the garbage out.
And so it piled up to the ceilings:
Coffee grounds, potato peelings,
Brown bananas, rotten peas,
Chunks of sour cottage cheese.
It filled the can, it covered the floor,
It cracked the window and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones,
Drippy ends of ice cream cones,
Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel,
Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal,
Pizza crusts and withered greens,
Soggy beans and tangerines,
Crusts of black burned buttered toast,
Gristly bits of beefy roasts. . .
The garbage rolled on down the hall,
It raised the roof, it broke the wall. . .
Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs,
Globs of gooey bubble gum,
Cellophane from green baloney,
Rubbery blubbery macaroni,
Peanut butter, caked and dry,
Curdled milk and crusts of pie,
Moldy melons, dried-up mustard,
Eggshells mixed with lemon custard,
Cold french fried and rancid meat,
Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat.
At last the garbage reached so high
That it finally touched the sky.
And all the neighbors moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,
"OK, I'll take the garbage out!"
But then, of course, it was too late. . .
The garbage reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the garbage she did hate,
Poor Sarah met an awful fate,
That I cannot now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But children, remember Sarah Stout
And always take the garbage out!

Shel Silverstein, 1974

Have a great week, everyone!

Happy Birthday, Grandma!

2008-08-13T11:46:00.002-04:00

Dear Grandma,
Mommy says it's your birthday. I hope you have a great day and I wish I could be with you. So instead, you'll just have to look at this picture that Daddy took of us.
Have a good day!
Love,
Dominic

This is a concept called self-feeding...

2008-07-31T23:52:00.004-04:00

D on the go!

2008-07-27T22:10:00.007-04:00

So everything is different once you have a baby... that's a given, right? But traveling is ESPECIALLY different with a baby.
After one week + one day on the road... I'm exhausted!
Well, first of all, preparing for a trip with baby takes hours & hours longer - there's so much more to pack. Thankfully, we didn't need to pack a bed for him, because everywhere we were staying had either a crib or a pack & play.
Or, at nap time, he just crashed on our bed.This was during one of the days while I was at my conference and Daddy flew solo. I don't think I've ever gotten so many frantic text messages from Mike, most of them referring to temper tantrums or poopy diapers. Though somehow I think the temper tantrums could have been avoided if D would have received his second bottle!

I also packed lots of books, but mostly just the sturdy ones. This, as it turned out, was a good idea.Upside down Brown Bear? Oh, well!

And the beach. My mom warned me that Dominic might try to eat sand, but I figured that once he downed one handful, he'd realize that sand tastes disgusting.

Nope. He loved it, and refused to stop eating it (ew!), and it made me nervous, so eventually I moved him to the boardwalk. We tried the ocean once, but the waves made him nervous.
His favorite part of vacation seemed to be the hotel pool.
That, of course, and lots of quality time with Daddy.

lovely weather we're having

2008-07-23T16:34:00.002-04:00

I need to figure out the video camera...

2008-07-14T17:50:00.002-04:00

And as soon as I do (first I have to find it!), I'll put a clip up of Dominic "reading."

Yesterday, he crawled over to a book, picked it up, and began babbling (complete with pauses) as he flipped from page to page.

D's Big Adventure

2008-07-09T22:54:00.007-04:00

Well, I had a big today. Mommy had to go to someplace called "Michigan" for a story for her work, so my Auntie & Uncle picked me up e-a-r-l-y in the morning (I was awake, though, because I heard Mommy get up) and I got to spend the day with them.
I had fun shopping, meeting new people, hanging out with my cousin, and exploring...
There were lots of places to explore: I'm not sure who is more exhausted now - them or me!
Thanks for taking such good care of me... sleep well!

- Dominic

big shoes to fill

2008-07-08T08:58:00.006-04:00

I've found a new toy. They're kinda stinky, but I like them. They're big, but they're light.
My favorite thing to do is untie them. Especially when Daddy is wearing them. He sure is surprised when I do that. But then he laughs at me and tickles me.
Mommy says that before she blinks, I'll be wearing shoes even bigger than these. When she tells me that, she gets some kind of weird water in her eyes. She has a little while, for Pete's sake. These shoes are only half as tall as me for now!

-Dominic

No-Nap Sunday

2008-07-07T12:09:00.006-04:00

Really? A hat for our walk? I don't think so, Mommy!

I'll go on a walk, but if I have to wear this hat... I'll crawl under my bed and get stuck!

-Little D

2008-07-05T13:39:00.001-04:00

little ladies man...

2008-06-28T23:48:00.003-04:00

Dominic on a "hot date" in an older woman's ride...

The pictures Aunt Cindy has been asking for...

2008-06-19T15:03:00.004-04:00

Where's Dominic?Here he is! Can you guess his favorite game these days?
If you're not playing with him, he'll just play by himself. All the while babbling, "babababamamama" - and we think we heard him say "dada" last night. Finally ;)

playing favorites

2008-06-16T23:01:00.003-04:00

The other day, I had a long list of errands.
Fun stuff, like buying diapers and formula and shampoo and going to the bank and buying stamps and mailing bills.
So I called my best friend to see if she needed anything while I was out. As it turns out, she was home alone with one of her three daughters, and had a few hours to kill. She was able to come with me!
I was very excited to spend a few hours with her - and ordinary chores suddenly turned into a fun excursion.

So after lunch, we're chatting, and her four-year-old pipes up from the back seat next to my sleeping son, "Aunt Amber, what's your favorite?"
"What's your favorite 'what', Emma?" Carrie (aka Mrs. Educational-child-developmental-specialist) asked her. "You have to ask her favorite thing between something, like apples or bananas."
"What's your favorite kid, Aunt Amber?" Emma asked.
Carrie & I started talking at the same time. I let her explain!
"Well, of course, Dominic is her favorite, Emma!" Carrie said. "He's her baby!"
I added, "But Emma, I love you very much and you'll always be really special to me."
Carrie continued, "Emma - that's like someone asking you, 'Who's your favorite mommy?"
"Oh, between you and Aunt Amber," Emma asked? "I don't know. I'd have to do "Eenie Meenie Minie Mo."
Carrie & I started cracking up. We laughed so hard that we were crying. This lasted for several minutes.
When we finally stopped laughing, Emma said, "Hey, it's you, Aunt Amber! You won Eenie Meenie Minie Mo!"
Four year olds. There are scary times a-coming!

Good Times

2008-06-08T20:30:00.003-04:00

For my birthday, we went to Put-in-Bay. It was chilly, but nice to be away & relax!
Here are Dominic & I in the Butterfly House - the warmest place on the island.

Below - I snagged a picture from my friend's blog of our play date. He seemed to like that floppy sun hat, so I found two for him yesterday at Babyland. Daddy prefers the plain old ball cap (surprise, surprise), but I keep trying to tell him that these protect his fair skin better - they do... right?

after a good meal...

2008-05-22T09:44:00.003-04:00

Good, of course, is relative, but I think he was eating pureed apples & bananas that morning. He is in the habit of propping his foot up on the chair like that - whether the tray is on it or not!
He also has been really attached to that teddy bear lately.

Welcome to the world, Jayden!

2008-05-15T16:28:00.003-04:00

Congratulations, Allissa & Jeremy!

My little star

2008-05-11T15:55:00.002-04:00

(a good photo)

2008-05-08T09:05:00.003-04:00

Taken by Daddy, of course!

That's my boy!

2008-05-08T09:03:00.002-04:00

Welcome to the AARP

2008-04-28T16:19:00.007-04:00

I'm trying to be okay with turning 30 soon, I really am.

But getting an AARP invitation in the mail yesterday didn't help. C'mon! I've still got about 70 years before I can retire - especially in this economy!

That being said, some time ago, I made a list of 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 30. As that day rapidly approaches and only God knows where that list is (they say the memory is the first thing to go), I realize that I probably won't publish my first novel, run a marathon, earn another degree, or visit Hawaii in the next 30 days. And I guess I can live with that.

But I have to say that my 20s were -and probably will be - one of my most life-changing decades. I graduated from college. I began my career. I fell in love and got married, and we bought a home, our own furniture, and grown-up stuff like a furnace and a roof and carpet. I traveled outside the U.S. several times. I gave birth to another human being. My family buried my uncle and all four of my grandparents. Each of my siblings were married. My parents moved away from my hometown. The myriad of monumental moments could go on for, well, a really long time.
And so, of course, I wonder what this decade will hold... and I look forward to more moments of laughter, of love, of time spent with family and friends. So - 30's not so bad, right?

Meal time with Little D

2008-04-17T10:17:00.008-04:00

Yeah, so Mommy is making me eat my vegetables. I started off with carrots, but my skin broke out, so now I'm trying squash. I hope I'm not allergic to carrots. I liked them! Squash is yummy, too though. I like my Tony the Tiger bib. It is orange, almost like the squash I was eating. And I refuse to look at the camera.

Eating food is exhausting. Time for my nap!

Mommy says to tell you that these are just cell phone pictures - Daddy is going to take some nice pictures of me soon :)

uh-oh!

2008-04-09T16:30:00.002-04:00

there are some traits about me that i hope are passed on to my son: a love for the Lord... a love for people... a love for reading - that kind of thing.

but there are many things that i hope are NOT passed on to my son... especially my lack of coordination and tendency to be a complete klutz. so how much trouble am i in when his first words are "uh-oh"?

Asleep!

2008-04-04T16:47:00.003-04:00

When Dominic is falling asleep, he always covers his eyes. I have ultrasound images somewhere that show he even did that in his sleep!

Here are the ones I took today (the toy is his dino blanket that he's taken a liking to recently):

Yummy!

2008-03-27T11:40:00.002-04:00

Forgive the crappy cell phone picture, but Dominic is becoming, er, proficient in the art of eating rice cereal.

Happy Easter, everyone!

2008-03-22T10:12:00.002-04:00

And thanks for taking my picture, Aunt Lissie!

Hungry boy

2008-03-16T09:48:00.001-04:00

We never feed him around here...

The You of You

2008-03-13T23:12:00.003-04:00

For those of you who only check my blog to see pics of Dominic, here you go: (Dominic's daddy was trying out his new camera!)
If you actually like to read my ramblings, well, here you go: (get comfy, it's a long one!)
At the University of Portland, there's a guy (Brian Doyle) who has a job very similar to mine, only he's a zillion times better at it I am! I LOVE reading his stuff. His last editor's note was beautiful... and in light of recent days of these cycles of new life and death orbiting my family and friendship circles, well, I have to copy it here:
The You of You [Brian Doyle; Portland Magazine, Winter 2007; The Difficulty of Saints]
A guy who works in a hospital tells me stories. He is a nurse. A lot of babies are born who don't live a day, he says, but of course their parents name them, and I keep a list. There was a woman who named her son Once. He lived an hour. There was a boy named Chance and a boy named Jesus and a girl named Wonderful. We had a stillborn baby the parents named Almost. One man named his daughter Lost. Some people name their children after trees and birds and such, Ash and Pine and Hawk and Wren. We have had several Rivers and one Ocean. A lot of names have something to do with music, like Harmony and Melody, and a lot of them have to do with light and color and natural phenomena like rainbows and sunshine and summer. A lot of the babies don't get names at all because they die so fast and the mother is exhausted and despairing and we don't press the matter. Those are the babies who are named A and B and such in the records. Baby Boy A, Baby Girl B. We name them quietly ourselves though. If you look at their faces long enough their names arrive. Maybe those are the names the babies are really supposed to have. You never know. I think every child born has a name just as every child born has a character and a personality that was never in the world before and never will be again. Me personally I think that when you are formed in your mother's womb you have a name that is part of every cell in your body. You are your name. Your name isn't a word or even a sound, it's the you of you. I am not being articulate but you know what I mean. You stare at a baby, you know, a child who has been dead for half an hour, a child who was alive when she came out of her mother, and who she was, maybe who she is, her name appears in your mind. A friend of mine says you hear the ringing of a bell but that seems too poetic and fanciful to me for what really happens, which is that somehow after a while you just somehow know her name. I write it down so it doesn't get lost.
We keep the list private, just something among us working here, something important in ways that are hard to explain. Hey, you're a writer, you write it down and try to explain it. I can't. I just know it really matters somehow to listen for what her name is and then write it down. Somehow that's what I am supposed to do. There are a lot of things we are supposed to do that are really important in ways we will never understand but we do them anyway, right?

Grief is a funny thing, and, as my friend Todd says, we don't know how to grieve in this country. This essay, I think, is a way of grieving for all that is lost in a life, any life, lived or not - a life that was never in this world before and never will be again.
My grandmother died yesterday, and I am trying to figure out this whole concept of grieving. She was undoubtedly one of the most important people in my childhood. And one of the things that I really appreciated about her was that she made a great deal of effort at continuing our relationship as I became an adult. That doesn't happen with all of the people from your childhood - family or not. But there was never any doubt how much she loved me... in fact, "I love you" were her last words to me.
My mom instilled in me the love of reading; my grandmother instilled in me the love of writing.
I spent many, many weekends at her house during my childhood; she read me stories and I read them to her. She taught me to bake, and we often tinkered around on her piano. She was at every recital, every play, every award ceremony, every birthday party, every youth group fundraiser. Who knew that Grandma would come to love football? Yet she sat in the stands every Friday night in 90-degrees in August and 30 degrees in November, just so she wouldn't miss a halftime show. She was the one who taught me to drive - and spent days of her life as my frightened passenger. She always bought my siblings and I Easter outfits; and had the patience to spend hours creating Christmas ornaments out of felt and tacky glue.
Her immediate adoration of my husband assured me I'd made the right choice; holding my new son gave her joy.
She was funny and kind and generous - one of the most generous people I've ever met. She loved to sing and knew every hymn in the book by heart. She loved to laugh and was always making jokes, even in the hospital. She loved her Jesus and her Andy Griffith and her game shows. And life. She loved life, but in these last days, she wasn't living it here anymore - I think she left us, mostly, a while ago.
There was never before an Alice May DeWell Murnahan, and never will there be again.
But I am grateful - so grateful - to have known her.

Rock (er, rattle) the vote!

2008-03-04T16:13:00.003-05:00

Dominic voted today.
Well, not exactly, seeing as he can't do that for another 18 years.
But he did come to the polls with me and he didn't even complain about the smell of old smoke and fried food. (The Am-Vets place where we vote smells like a bowling alley!)
And the nice lady at table 7-B gave us an extra sticker for his scrapbook.

Now

2008-03-03T12:41:00.006-05:00

Carefully holding onto him, I placed my infant son on the pillow next to the head of my ailing grandmother and all I could see was beauty.

Her eyes lit up for an instant, a brief grasp of the here and now.

"Baby," she murmured, turning her head toward Dominic.

Those seconds felt so profound, so spiritual, so powerful. The tiny rounded face and silky clear hair and huge blue eyes that trust me so completely. The only-a-little bigger face with beautiful wrinkles and wisdom and pain and soft white hair curling at the ends and blue gray eyes that size me up with love and maternal pride.

The past. The present. The future. All in one moment.

The beginning of life. The end of life. The Now.

Soooo cute!

2008-02-22T00:08:00.003-05:00

Okay, so it's winter in Ohio, so his skin isn't perfect... and if his fingernails aren't cut to the quick, he scratches his head while he's sleeping (as seen above!) but still... isn't he adorable?

abstract / in your face

2008-02-16T17:00:00.004-05:00

The other (pregnant) couple and my husband laughed at me when, over wings a few weeks ago at our favorite hangout, I made the comment that "being pregnant is soooooo much different than him being here."

Duh. Of course it is.

But I think what I meant to say that being pregnant (for the first time, at least) is so... abstract. Your body is changing - a lot - and sure, you love the kid (in healthy situations, anyway) but it's not real until *he's* here.

Once *he* arrives... your world get turned upside down, and nothing is the same. It's better. It's worse. It's amazing. It's the scariest thing in the world.

I was thinking about these things today, at the first baby shower I've attended since D's arrival. I talked to Brad (the new dad) afterward, and he told me that he was getting light-headed as they opened the little OSU onesies and the fuzzy pajamas. I smiled... and clarified what I'd been trying to say at dinner.

Everything is so different now!

my blog

2008-01-12T23:52:00.001-05:00

I was told to update my blog... but I don't really have anything to say. And let's face it - what most of "my readers" really want are pics of Dominic.

So here you go:

Just one cute, artsy little photo of his foot. I almost put his "bath" video on here, but realized, of course, that he was naked and crying and I didn't think he'd appreciate that posted for the world to see. But if you want that video, you can email me :)

I'm trying to talk Dominic's Daddy into another long overdue photoshoot, so as soon as that happens, more pictures will be posted!

should be sleeping

2007-12-30T00:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's almost 1 a.m. and surely as a new deliriously frazzled mom I should be sleeping right now (though Dominic is now sleeping through the night. Amazing!)

But I'm realizing that I haven't been writing very much at all these days, other than notes on Christmas-thankyou-birthannouncement cards. And I miss it.

One of my favorite authors these days is Jodi Picoult (not for the feint-of-heart or easily offended. But if you have the time to not put a book down for a few days, she's your woman!). Her latest (I think) book Nineteen Minutes is heartbreaking... it's about a bullied 17-year-old (Peter) who shoots up his school... killing 10, wounding 19, and scarring 1000. A lot of the book focuses on Peter's mom - a gifted, sweet, good-mom midwife whose life is devastated by the actions of her youngest son. Sure, she made mistakes in rearing him...and she picked apart each and every one of those mistakes... but she was a good mom who did her very best.

Yet this kid broke her heart. And far worse moms somehow reared healthy, well-adjusted kids.

And my husband is obsessed with the crime show "The First 48" which follows homicide units during the first 48 hours after discovery of the victim.

As I hold my baby, I can't help but think that we all - cops and criminals and psychopaths and heroes alike - started out this young, this innocent, this perfect.

As I rock him to sleep crooning my soft, off-key lullabies into his ear (and they somehow still put the poor kid to sleep or at least he pretends, maybe so I'll stop singing!) or respond to his whimpers when he cries at any hour of the day, I wonder what will become of him... I think about the possibilities of whom he could become. Will he break our hearts? Will he be just a person with an "ordinary" job? Will he marry and have children of his own? Will he do something great? How will he change the world? Because each of us do, you know.

And I can't help think but think of the most powerful, most true quote I know by C.S. Lewis, that goes,

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment."

And I think about the heavy responsibility we as his parents have to help our child toward a destination that is good.

And I pray for mercy and grace for all of the mistakes we have yet to make. I pray that he will become his best in spite of those mistakes, and somehow always know that we are crazy about him, that we're always in his corner, that our love for him is deep and wide and true and permanent and unconditional.

And now, I'll go listen to him breathe one more time before I go to sleep myself. And I'll hold his tiny hand and treasure that moment. And sometime in the future when we talk about the days before his memories take shape, he will sense how much I've always loved him.

Dominic Michael

2007-11-23T12:09:00.000-05:00

When Mike & I first fell in love, it was so intense... one of those can't-eat-can't-sleep-all-those-cheesy-love-songs-are-now-making-sense-must-spend-every-second-together-can't-get-enough-fairy-taleish-once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.

We'd be driving down the highway and he'd squeeze my hand and say with tears in his voice, "I love you so much." Yup, my tough-guy cop, whose nickname at the paper was "Bodybag" for his adeptness at chasing - and finding - hard news. Head over heels, crazy in love. And, which goes without saying, I felt the same way.

I know it's not like that for every couple, and I'm not saying it's more or less legit if happens or doesn't happen that way. All I'm saying is that when we got together, we knew it was forever. And now our love has created something new... something magic... and it feels like we're in the beginning stages of love again - with this new little life we've created.

It's so amazing... so intense all over again. That's what being a new parent feels like - the beginning stages of falling in love. Of going from a "couple family" to a family that includes children.

I know that this love, too, will mature and grow, and eventually my heart won't stop every time we flick past a newsy show of a kid with a disease and maybe eventually we won't get out of bed a million times a night to make sure he's still breathing. Someday soon we'll be able to lay him in his crib without having to hold his sleeping body for hours.

But for now... we're just enjoying being Dominic's parents. And for now, I still only have Dominic's "Day One" pics, but Mike is taking some studio shots next week, so I'll post those then :)

And so that you know for sure that my sleep-deprived mind has been utterly lost, I will copy the lyrics of the cheesy Aerosmith love song that will not stop running through our minds.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

Far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you, babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you

Feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together

And I just wanna stay with you

In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you, babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile

I don't wanna miss one kiss

Well, I just wanna be with you

Right here with you, just like this

I just wanna hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And stay here in this moment

For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes

Don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

'Cause I'd still miss you, babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

yeahI don't wanna miss a thing

Juror 118

2007-10-31T09:09:00.000-04:00

I take my civic duties seriously.

I vote in every election, regardless of how many issues appear on the ballot.

I educate myself on the issues, discuss them with my husband, and we tell each other how to vote. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we don't.

The people at the polling place know us, and laugh at us. If Mike gets there before I do, they ask him where his wife is. If I get there before he does, they ask when he's going to be in.

But when I received an honest-to-goodness "Summons to Jury Duty" yesterday, I was at a loss. I think it would be great fun to sit on a jury, especially if something exciting was taking place.

But alas, the date for my summons is November 13-November 16. And my due date is, well, according to the doctors, November 18... according to the ultrasound, November 16. I've tried pretty hard throughout this pregnancy to keep a high energy level & not use my pregnancy as an excuse for anything, yet I think this time maybe I should. As Dominic could come any time that week (if he isn't already here by then) and since you're required to call every night to see if you're supposed to serve the next day, well, I don't want to be calling from the delivery room!

I called the SCWC this morning, requesting advice... the nurse laughed heartily and told me that she'd have a doctor write a letter suggesting that perhaps I could serve my civic duty some other time.

fall is here

2007-09-21T11:05:00.000-04:00

it's been a while since i've posted... remember that busy upcoming fall i blogged about in july?
it's here!

i also start my 8th month of pregnancy today. sometimes it feels like i've been pregnant forever - other times it feels like - um, nope, feels like i've been pregnant forEVER!

but in a sense, even after these 8 months, even after puking for months and seeing him on the ultrasound and feeling him do somersaults inside me and preparing the nursery and being thrown a baby shower and attending the labor & delivery classes and thinking about a birth plan... it just doesn't feel real yet. So if all of that doesn't make it feel real, I guess nothing will until he's in our arms.

Who needs a baby-sitter--

2007-09-07T16:03:00.000-04:00

when they make products like this?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Morph...

2007-09-05T07:26:00.000-04:00

I have never been a morning person.

Ever.

No cheery good mornings, no labored breakfasts (if anything is consumed, it's a quick granola bar or fruit that I can take to the office), no friendly conversations (my husband isn't a morning person either - before 8 a.m. it's pretty much love-you-have-a-good-day-don't-forget-about-xyz-tonight-bye! Then he calls me around 10, by the time we're both pleasantly caffeinated and we have a friendly conversation.

But these days, I can't sleep much past, well, this morning it was 5:15. It's likely a pregnancy thing.

But it's not all bad.

I've been one of the first people to work lately, rather than one of the last.

My day is more productive, earlier.

Now, if only I can start getting to bed before 12:30... .

shopping trip!

2007-09-03T20:06:00.000-04:00

We spent labor day laboring in a fun way - shopping!

We went to an outlet mall, where I bought my husband new pants (we had a dryer incidence after Michael left a sharpie in his pocket & we didn't discover it until too late. Actually - he didn't discover it himself - he figured it out when judges laughed him out of the courthouse. It was a bad day!) And I bought a few maternity pieces for Fall. Gotta love the labor day sales!

We then went to Giant Eagle, where we purchased nearly enough gift certificates to Babies R Us to purchase an entire tank of free gas. At Babies R Us --- we bought our crib furniture! Below are photos, just not in the correct colors.

They didn't have a photo of it in black, but the crib we bought is in black, which will look great in our nursery.

Our changing table is also black, but this is the one.

Now we just need a dresser & a recliner or chair & ottoman, but I'll be searching craigslist or garage sales for those.

My friend Joel...

2007-08-31T13:25:00.000-04:00

is a guy who always challenges me in issues of injustice & poverty. His blogspot is: http://bejustice.blogspot.com/.

A particularly challenging link he had on his website a while ago is this:

http://www.globalrichlist.com/

How rich are you? I'll bet that no matter how much money your family makes... you're richer than you think.

Check it out!

Overwhelming x 3!

2007-08-30T09:13:00.000-04:00

Ohio Woman Gives Birth To 2nd Set Of Triplets

August 30, 2007

CINCINNATI, Ohio -- It's three times two for a Cincinnati-area mom.

Victoria Lasita, 39, of Delhi Township has given birth to her second set of triplets. Both times, she and her husband, Tim, conceived naturally, without fertility treatments, and doctors said the odds of a woman having triplets twice in that manner are 1 in 64 million.

Casey, Caden and Carson Lasita each weighed in at under 5 pounds when they entered the world Wednesday afternoon. Their dad said everyone seems to be doing well.

Tim Lasita and his wife can look forward to changing more than 300 diapers and fixing 168 bottles each week.

It's not clear when the new triplets will go home to join their older siblings, who turn 4 in December.

Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
http://www.newsnet5.com/news/14010038/detail.html?treets=nn5&tml=nn5_9am&ts=T&tmi=nn5_9am_1_08000208302007

More than 300 diapers every week? 168 bottles?

Soooooooooooo glad I'm only having one!

getting ready for baby!

2007-08-29T12:33:00.000-04:00

Today in the Balash household, I took the day off work to be the home manager. That's right... the satelite guy came to switch us from directv to dish, my dear friend Jeanne is painting the nursery a most lovely shade of green (can't wait for you all to see it - and we're going furniture shopping on Monday!) and other guys are replacing the broken-down-doors on our side porch (the same guy who replaced our windows a few weeks ago!)

Whew! Just 3 more months, plus or minus. Next up: a hospital tour, childbirth classes, baby care classes, and baby showers!

random ramblings

2007-08-21T16:49:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had yet another doctor's appointment. It was a basic appointment, except that they tested my blood for diabetes (which I don't have, thankfully) and unbeknownst to me, iron (which was low, so I have to start a prescription for the rest of the pregnancy... no big deal except that it might make me sicker - yuck!).

*****

It's interesting... since my preteen years, I've constantly battled a love-hate relationship with my body. (I 'over-developed' very early, and have struggled with my weight ever since). But even I have to admit that I'm mostly fascinated with what is happening these days - that there's an actual living being inside of the area of my body that has for so long been an 'enemy'! Though it is a little disconcerting & scary to think of how he's going to get outta here - just ask my ornery nieces who learned way too much at COSI!

*****

Orientation starts tomorrow - classes start Monday! I can't believe how quickly this summer has flown! And I think this fall will go so fast that next time I blink, Dominic will be here and life, as I previously experienced it, will be forever different!

storm chasers

2007-08-10T15:18:00.000-04:00

So, last night the tornado siren goes off minutes after Mike gets home from work.

"Scared?" I ask him flirtingly. (He's been extra protective lately.)

"No way!" Michael says. "You know what to do, hon - where's your notebook?"

So off we go, chasing storms, with me nearly seven months pregnant.

After all, we did win a (group) AP award for tornado coverage in... when was that... 2003? 04? And last summer, we got some good stuff from the coverage of the tornado touchdown in Waynesburg.

There wasn't much damage to cover last night (which is good, obviously!). In fact, I didn't even get out of the jeep. He did take pictures, though, of a car falling on a tree. Oh, I mean a tree falling on a car. Here it is. (A car falling on a tree really would have been news, though of the Wizard-of-Oz sort.)

And there were some really cool cloud photos, but I couldn't find them on the Rep's website. Here's one from the Inde's website.

I think Dominic likes storms. I couldn't sleep Wednesday night, so at 2 a.m. I was sitting on the porch watching a good lightning show, and he was really moving around in there, especially when it thundered loudly.

It's a good thing, 'cuz next summer when the tornado sirens sound... I can just see Michael strapping his son into the car to go get photos!

Profile...

2007-08-08T17:27:00.001-04:00

This is the newest picture of Dominic... for those who can actually make out images in these things!

After a really difficult two weeks, I was so grateful for this beautiful gift -- a picture of the gift that is here and also yet-to-come in our lives.

grief

2007-08-01T00:06:00.000-04:00

so about three months before i found out i was pregnant, my very good friend and co-worker told me hesitantly, sensitively - she knew how badly i wanted a baby - that she was expecting number 2.

to be totally honest - and it kinda surprised me a little - i didn't have the slightest bit of jealousy. i was thrilled for her. she is an awesome mom to her daughter, and i was truly, deeply, happy for her.

when i learned that i was pregnant, she was one of the very first to know. So for almost 6 1/2 months now, we have been dreaming and planning together, imagining what life will be like with these precious two new lives, looking forward to play dates and baby showers, debating the merit of the names Andrew and Anthony and Cameron... and Ava and Alaina... and finally deciding (I think!) on Averie and Dominic.

this morning, my friend called our office to let us know that she was going into labor. we were so excited, anticipating the long-expected news. how big would she be? (first baby was huge.) would she have tons of hair (first baby had more than any newborn i've ever seen.) what would they actually name her? (last time, they changed their minds at the last second.)

well, my other co-worker is searching for a car, and my "car-czar" husband is helping him negotiate a deal. Co-worker had been pressured into taking new car for an overnight test drive, and the car czar insisted he take it back, and that i tag along for moral support. we went, late in the afternoon, and co-worker did a great job of fielding off car salesman's advances. anyway, we were laughing and joking as we got back to the office, but other co-workers seemed quite glum. our aa took us into our private conference room to give us the bad news.

the baby didn't make it.

those five shocking, devastating nightmare words that rob your breath and break your heart and take a while to sink in. words which cause immeasureable grief, which leave a mother's arms empty, words which leave a father helpless.

so i pray. i question the justice of it all, knowing that we'll never understand why... at least in the here and now. i plead for comfort and peace, for healing of body and souls.

and we grieve, deeply. not as though those who have no hope - because we do have incredible hope... in the One whose arms this precious baby lies now.

but it still hurts... worse than anything these two amazing people have ever in their lives faced.

God be with them in the days... and weeks... and months... and years ahead.

Springfield native...

2007-07-27T22:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, we the Simpsons fans saw The Movie this afternoon. I thought it was great. Typical Simpsons fare. Mike enjoyed it, but said he'd give it a "B."

We had a very busy--but fun!--day, and were grateful to spend all of it together. Actually, last night, we were both working on our laptops at about 10 p.m. and he looked over at me and said, "Hey, wanna go to a movie?"
Enjoying the fact that neither of us had to work the next morning --and the fact that we won't have many more opportunities to do this in the next decade-plus, I said, "Sure."

Despite the fact that we didn't get home til after 1, and I didn't fall asleep til almost 3, I was shocked that I didn't wake up until almost 10. I usually can't sleep that late these days! Enjoy it now, right?

So anyway, we met friends for a soup, salad, & breadsticks lunch - also lots of fun (one of the friends is pregnant & we go to the same doctor, so we have a lot to talk about!) then... we did round one of baby registering.
Exhausting!
I assumed that since I had a very organized, detailed registry list that I've been working on for a week, that I wouldn't fall prey to the off-the-list stuff. But I kinda did, a little. And Mike & I had already picked out a stroller in a previous visit to the Baby Mecca, but after breaking his foot last week, we decided to pick out something that was a lot more lightweight. And we had serious stroller envy of this other couple from England who were there, because they had this high-tech, teeny tiny stroller... nothing like you'd find here! Even the tiny car seat was very light and compact, yet sturdy and very well-made. You never know... you can find anything online these days, right? Bedtime!

Hope you all had a good day, too!

Justice fulfilled...

2007-07-26T19:17:00.001-04:00

The other day, I got wonderful news.

*Nhu, of Remember Nhu (see post "God of Love" or Remember Nhu) is no longer at risk of being re-sold! (If you want the details, email me!) Not only that, but her grandmother, the one who sold her into slavery when she was 12 for $300, recognized the fact that her gods were doing nothing for her, but she saw the love of Christ in Nhu... and Carl... and others, and decided that she wants to have that God in her life, too. The E.D. of Remember Nhu considers that decision as much of a miracle as Nhu being rescued in the first place!

*This is a photo of Cambodian kids, but Nhu is not in it!

Thanks to all of you -- and I know there were many -- who were praying for that specific situation. Please continue to pray for the Remember Nhu organization... as there are still many, many more little girls --and boys-- that need to be rescued. I pray that someday God will use me to help them in "bigger" ways, but for now I am doing what I can.

In our book study of The Good News About Injustice, we've talked about what we can do to help fight injustice... and there are a lot of little things. But it seems as real change... really making a difference costs so much: our resources, our time, our energy, our very lives. Is it worth all of that? Of course. No doubt. But somehow... it's so much easier said than done. So in the meantime... is sending money, helping local kids, volunteering for Remember Nhu, trying to raise awareness, writing to legislators... enough? Not really. But until more doors are opened (and then if I'm brave enough to walk through them)... I guess it has to be?

It's so weird... that one time I'm blogging about serious 'stuff' like this, the next I'm blogging about buying tons of kids books. I guess life is made up of those moments though, huh? The serious and the "lite"...the painful and the happy... the thoughtful and the every-day-ordinary.

May you find joy in both the serious and the every-day-ordinary--and know that there is hope in the most dire circumstances.

working woman

2007-07-25T17:26:00.000-04:00

Okay... time for a d-e-e-p breath!

We had an all-day staff meeting this afternoon that reminded me of how incredibly busy this fall is going to be. Seriously... I'll barely have time to have a baby!

Even within the week I'm due, Brennan Manning (LOVE him!) is speaking at chapel twice, Over the Rhine is performing, and there's a Worldview Forum on Immigration (that I've been planning for a year-and-a-half!). That's one week in November... let's not talk about October! Or September for that matter! But October holds Homecoming (HUGE!), a few showers (fun!) and... the biggest of alll.... a Presidential Inauguration.

We had lunch with our new president today. He.is.great! I'm really excited about potential changes that could come...despite all the busy-ness that's happening, it's going to be fun.

Dominic's mom is buying lotsa stuff...

2007-07-22T22:29:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I've bought a lot of stuff for Dominic this week.

But, hey, who blames me?

A local school district was selling discarded books from their library... for a quarter each (some were a dime each) and then on the last day they were $2 a bag. I, um, spent $20 on books. Gotta get his library started, and who can beat the price? They were nice books :)

Problem is, I don't have any bookshelves for him yet!

I also found some great stuff at my favorite cheapstuff store: Gabriel Brothers when I went shopping with Carrie & Co. the other night. (Bill kicked all of his women out of the house so he could do yardwork and take a nap!)

Lots of socks and onesies, plus my two favorite buys: a tiny little blue polo shirt and this little striped cap that reads "Mr. Sherriff" on a star. Mike was working very late Friday night, so I went to bed before he got home, but I set the two pieces on his desk. He said that when he saw them... it really sank in--we're having a kid and soon he'll be wearing those tiny little clothes! :)

Today, our church services were outside at a lake. Our small congregation has folks of all ages, but in the past five years or so, there's been an absolute explosion of little boys. And there's only one little girl! So there were quite a few folks rooting for us to have a girl--especially the pastor's wife and the mother of the lone little girl. However, this was not to be.

And it did make me a little nervous today when two of older-little boys (Rachel - one of them was your youngest brother!) emerged from the trees covered from head to toe in thick, dark mud... trying to hug their moms! My friends just laughed--see what you have to look forward to? they all said.

Scary!

Oh, and after today's little outing--despite me sitting in the shade pretty much the whole time--I am a tomato. Yup, bright red nose & arms. When will I ever learn to wear sunscreen?

2007-07-10T11:40:00.000-04:00

Help IJM win 100,000!

(For some reason, blogger isn't letting me type titles!)

Anyway - here's a chance to help International Justice Mission - an amazing organization! IJM is in a final round of a competition for $100,000 to support their work, and they need your vote to win! Every day, from July 9 through August 10, they need as many people as possible to go online to www.Rezoom.com/ABETTERWORLD and vote once a day, every day, for the entire month. The winner will be chosen based on the highest number of votes throughout the month-long competition. Just by clicking on a website, your vote can truly help make a better world for the victims of abuse and oppression IJM serves! For more information about the work of International Justice Mission go to www.ijm.org.

And in personal news, I'll try to scan in my newest photos of Dominic tonite :)

2007-07-09T12:46:00.000-04:00

Our child cooperated with us this morning... I should say: our son! He is quite an active little fellow, and waved to us and moved around quite a bit.

We've also picked a name that is neither Andrew nor Anthony: Dominic Michael.

We're feeling overwhelmed, but very excited to know more about our baby. Also, he is a "textbook" baby, which means he's developing perfectly healthy & normally.

b-a-n-a-n-a-s

2007-06-29T13:09:00.000-04:00

My nieces are insatiably curious about my pregnancy.

Every time I see them, they ask me hundreds of questions...and they ask their mom questions daily.

Today, they were playing dolls in their playroom, and their mom couldn't help but overhear this conversation that they were pretending to have on the phone:

8-yr-old: I'm at work now. How are my kids.

3-yr-old: Oh, they're fine. Guess what, I'm pregnant!

8-yr-old: Congratulations, that's wonderful! What's your name again?

3-yr-old: Aunt Amber

8-yr-old: Oh, how do you spell that?

3-yr-old: B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

(Hey, it's one of the few words she knows how to spell. Apparently, it's in a song.)

And at that point, their mom dissolved into laughter and raced for the phone. "Pretty accurate," she told me.

Thanks.

rumblings of the pod

2007-06-27T13:23:00.000-04:00

So last night, I'm frantically trying to edit 20 devotionals, trying to prepare for a two hour meeting today.

I'm sitting on the bed [only our upstairs is air-conditioned, but THANK GOD for that one little window air conditioner!] with my legs stretched out, three pillows piled on my belly, and my laptop on top of all those pillows.

Apparently, the Pod doesn't like all that extra weight, so "he(?)" starts kicking. To this point, I hadn't been sure if I was feeling anything or not. But this was definite, absolute kicking - a half-dozen times. But of course, I can't lay on my stomach, because the Pod REALLY hates that. So for the rest of the time, I just sat with my legs crossed, the laptop on the bed. And I got no complaints.

ordinary people

2007-06-25T14:29:00.000-04:00

I think somewhere along the way I have blogged about this quote before:

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare.

All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.

There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whome we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.

And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment."

--C. S. Lewis, From The Weight of Glory.

But all day yesterday, this passage was going through my mind... just with the whole missing-pregnant-mom case, and all that goes along with that (they found her body, by the way. The whole saga is at www.cantonrep.com.) . And of course, reading The Good News About Injustice, and well, all the stuff I was blogging about the other day.

So much injustice. But thankfully, so much of God's incredible love and grace, too - God's people standing up - and moving - when and however He gives us the courage to do so.

The most horrible acts of injustice are created by humans; yet, to paraphrase a quote by Haugen (Good News About Injustice) - humans are surprisingly easy to kill, yet also surprisingly difficult to kill. And by and large, the human spirit that God has given us tends to be incredibly resilient.

I think the bottom line is that we have great responsibilities - not only as parents, but as human beings in every day contact with each other.

And you just wonder what could make a man kill his pregnant girlfriend in front of his two year old, or pay to rape a four-year-old girl in a police-owned brothel in Cambodia? Who, along the way, inflicted such pain upon these people? What happened to them to cause them to lose their humanity?

And then you think about the person who stood up for others and did great things... like last week, the 21-year-old who risked his own life to rescue two people from a burning, exploding car, then was devastated to realize their was a third person in there. Or the nine brave firefighters who gave their lives in South Carolina, or the good law enforcement agents like my husband who risk their lives often to keep people safe. Or folks like Gary Haugen or my friend Carl, who gives every ounce of talent, every penny, to fight human trafficking. Or the greatest person of all, who died for humanity. Who shaped those folks? Who pointed them in the right direction? What influenced them?

There are no ordinary people.

found this Ukraine pic today... :)

2007-06-22T16:17:00.001-04:00

God of Love

2007-06-21T15:09:00.000-04:00

Katie was walking along the dusty African road, carrying her infant sister on her back in a sarong when she was spotted by an orphanage worker, “Sami”.

Sami was unsure how long that Katie, 3 1/2, had been caring for her sister. But the infant was healthy and in obviously well-cared-for.

“Instinct,” Natalie told me as I rapidly jotted notes as the stories tumbled out of her. She, Dave, and I were meeting at Bob Evan’s and suddenly embarrassed when the waitress brought us our large plates of food.

Natalie spent nearly a month last summer in Zambia, and I was interviewing her for a project I’m working on.

Natalie, I told her, I’ve never met a person your age with so much “it” factor. It’s true. She’s phenomenal. If I told you all of the amazing things about her, you wouldn’t even believe me. But they’re all true.

The other story told me… Nat, a tiny little thing, confessed this morning that she has struggled with eating disorders in the past. While in Zambia, one day they were working in an AIDS clinic. Her job was to record the weights of the patients there.

“Seventy-six,” she would call out.

“Eighty-two.”

The numbers swirled about her… as her life was changed forever by these disheartened people who were slowly watching themselves waste away into nothing.

“Ninety-one,” she called. That was the heaviest person she weighed.

*****************************************************

By now, I’ll bet many of you have heard the national news story of the missing pregnant woman in Canton… Mike has been around it 24/7 this week, with little rest. It’s so big, so hard to get our arms around! Last night, I was with him for four hours at the ‘suspect’s’ house as the SO and FBI searched it.

They’re searching with cadaver dogs today and have had a few devastating leads. Everyone in our area is heartbroken over this case… and even more so to know that it happens every day, in nearly every city, despite all of those who don’t make the news.

*********************************************************
And Nhu… (http://www.remembernhu.org/)... I’m on the board now & we’re trying to bring Nhu to America. Her family is in debt again and are threatening to SELL HER BACK into the sex slave trade. I can’t even imagine. Carl & Laurie desperately want to adopt her… we just need to work through the immigration mess to get her here.

******************************************************
Last year I was interviewing one of my heroes, Celia for another story I was doing about service-learning – she’s now the director of service-learning here.

“Some say we should only serve those here in America, because that is where we are,” I began my question. “Others say we should only serve overseas, because that is where true need is. What do you say?”

“There’s no end to need,” Celia said, “It’s never inappropriate to relieve suffering. But it is appropriate to both begin and end right where you are.”

********************************************************

I am a bit emotionally overwhelmed today… can you tell? God is expanding my heart at the same time as my belly. But God has a plan for my little one. My little world-changer. I just know it. I pray it every day, that my baby will be one who changes the world, who knows God, who loves God, who loves justice and mercy. Not because of me. It has nothing to do with me.

*******************************************

Life is so big right now. But nothing is too big for my God.

God of Justice. God of Love. God of Mercy. God of Love. God of Canton. God of Love. God of Zimbabwe. God of Love. God of Ukraine. God of Love. God of Malone. God of Love.

God of Big. God of Love. God of Small. God of Love. God of Suffering. God of Love. God of Joy. God of Love.

God of Katie. God of Love. God of Sami. God of Love. God of Natalie. God of Love. God of orphans. God of Love. God of AIDS victims. God of Love.

God of Jessie. God of Love. God of Jessie’s family. God of Michael. God of Love. God of Rescue Workers. God of Love.

God of Nhu. God of Love. God of Carl. God of Love. God of Laurie. God of Love.

God of Celia. God of Love. God of Nations. God of Love.

God of my baby. God of Love.

God of Amber. God of Love…

God's Justice

2007-06-20T16:31:00.000-04:00

Some friends from Malone read a book together almost every summer, and this time I'm joining them. They are an amazing group of the people - and it's an amazing book (so far!).

We're reading Gary Haugen's The Good News About Injustice. Haugen is the founder of International Justice Mission, a group that is phenomenal. And so relevant to what I believe is an area with which God is calling me to be more involved. Heck, not just me - anyone who will listen ;)

So... we ask each other questions that make my head and my heart hurt, and get me out of my own little world. It's so easy to be self-involved, especially these days, because for some reason I seem to be getting so much attention lately... .

Anyway... my fellow bookworms - here's a book if you wanna get your heart broken & your eyes opened.

Thank God for 7-up!

2007-06-12T14:47:00.000-04:00

I knew something was amiss the second I became conscious this morning. My overly-heightened sense of smell told me disaster was in the air. Literally.

I walked downstairs, knowing what I would see. Yup...

In a state of exhaustion, I didn't give Sam enough time outside last night before I went to bed, so there were big surprises for me all over the floor this morning. I went back upstairs to arm myself with cleaning supplies and told Mike to go ahead and get ready (I usually go first) because I had a HUGE mess to clean up.

For a while, I just sat on the bed, staring at the roll of tp... trying to prepare my nose for its up close and personal date with disgusting. Need I mention that we've been discussing our dilemma of what to do about impending situations that may arise from our household managing a hyper 112-pound dog (with no yard to speak of and no playmates) and an 8-pound baby?

With both my nose and stomach refusing to cooperate, I cleaned up the mess as quickly as I could and took it outside to the garbage cans - thankfully, today was trash day. Then I used the trash cans a little more myself, and walked the sidewalk in my pjs, trying to take in as much fresh air as I could before going back to sweep & mop the floors.

Finally, I went back upstairs at about the same time my dear husband got out of the shower.

"You know," he said sweetly, "I'm sure Sam feels really bad about th--"

"Stop it!" I said firmly. "This is not the time to take his side--"

"Hey, I'm a member of this family, too," he says, obviously hurt at being interrupted. "I can state my opinion."

To which I snapped, "Yes, dear. You are the most important person in the world to me.[It's true.] But I cannot handle your opinion this morning."

And... I couldn't. Neither could my stomach - which has been sick all day. Or my nose, which has gained a ridiculous capacity for holding in smells for hours.

So my stomach thanks God for 7-up.

But what do we do about Sam... until we do have a bigger yard & bigger kids?

Am I really?

2007-06-11T15:20:00.000-04:00

Am I really going to have a baby in a few months?

Seems kind of obvious, right? I mean, my stomach is getting bigger, I'm nauseous and sensitive to smells, I've been to the doctor, I've seen the ultrasound, I've heard the heartbeat and yet it's something so life-changing that I just can't help but wonder - is this really happening?

It's such a natural-yet-absolutely-foreign concept just how much my life will change by the end of this fall. It's fun, exciting, scary, and sobering.

God definitely knew what He was doing when he made this a nine-month process... (I can say that at 5 months :) )

Daddy's pod

2007-06-08T20:48:00.000-04:00

I'm in trouble.

Our kid is ornery already!

I had my 17-week appointment today and Dr. B. was trying to get the heartbeat of "the pod" (Mike's nickname for the baby) and every time she would put the microphone on my belly, we could literally hear it swim somewhere else. Just as she was about to order an ultrasound, she got the heartbeat. It's a beautiful sound!

Also, the baby is deciding to be sly about it's identity. According to all the stuff I've been reading, a baby's heartbeat in utero is between 120 and 180, and the higher it is, the more likely it's a girl.

Our baby's heartbeat? 150. Smack dab in the middle!

Hopefully, it won't hide from us at the week 21 ultrasound!

Mom guilt

2007-06-06T18:59:00.001-04:00

Already the "mom guilt" is starting... I should be writing more, keeping better track of my pregnancy so I can show it to my child someday. Sheesh - I'm at 17 weeks already! Time is flying!

Sorry it's been almost a whole month since I've blogged. But, hey, no one leaves comments anymore anyway! Does anyone even still read this thing? I promise, I'll try to blog at least once a week :)

So anyway, I'm very happy to be out of the first trimester. Sometimes I still feel like crap, but at least I'm not getting sick every night :) That is a wonderful thing.

Most of you know I had an insane craving for blueberries last month. The cravings are continuing. But thankfully, they're still healthy! In addition to blueberries (yum!) I'm also craving Greek-spiced green beans (the Greek Festival is this week, and they make the best green beans in the whole universe!) and sauteed spinach from Papa Bear's. I'm also craving fried cauliflower with fresh lemon from PB's, but that's not so healthy!

Well, I better go clean my kitchen because Mike & Paul-the-chef are fishing right now, and when it gets dark, they're going to come home and Paul's going to cook dinner. Away I go :)

okay, so it takes a LOT of imagination...

2007-05-15T17:32:00.000-04:00

to actually recognize this as a baby, but here's the first photo of our "pod"...

"only" 205 days...

2007-04-27T21:33:00.002-04:00

the day the squirrel went berserk

2007-04-19T18:51:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had a few hours off work.

Of course it wasn't due to weather.

It was due to one little - now dead - squirrel. (photo complimentary of www.cantonrep.com)

This one:

(It's fried in the picture already - looks like it's been to a taxidermist or something!)

Anyway, this critter had chewed through wires, shutting down the power to the entire campus and even two sets of traffic lights near the post office!

It happened at about 8 a.m. I had an off-campus meeting at 8:30, and when I came back at 9:30, it still wasn't on. So our VP said that we could go home & come back at 1, when power was expected to return to our building. Power actually came back on at 11, but no one had called me, so I didn't get back until 1.

RIP little squirrel!

12:31 a.m.

2007-04-15T00:32:00.000-04:00

This is, I believe, the latest I've stayed up in weeks and weeks now. I have been so exhausted lately!

I hear that's pretty normal.

Nothing much new to report - just another week of nausea and exciting stuff like that - oh, and getting a new nickname from Mike's cop buddies - what was it exactly - the Projectile Queen? Very flattering, eh? What IS he telling these people :)

Oh, and here's an exciting update (especially for all you guys out there...sorry!) I think I found a nursery set that I like. If I can talk Mike into it... he was stuck with Raggedy Andy until he was 12 and had long since begun peeling off the paper himself, so he is COMPLETELY anti-character of any kind. I keep explaining that these are generic - they are not branded characters... .

And I'll paint the walls the green that is in the giraffe square.

That's all, folks.

Bedtime.

processing

2007-04-05T21:25:00.000-04:00

The other day, my co-worker & I (we do a bit of team-freelancing) were in a meeting with a client. He was asking us how soon he would need to give us info for a new project he wanted us to do, and I gave him a timeline - it's a lengthy project - and told him why I would need it to be turned in by then. My business partner is also pregnant - actually several months further along than I am.

So our client - after congratulating us of course, shared with us that a woman in his office had recently announced her pregnancy, and, as the grandfather of more than a dozen kids, said that the running family joke is that the baby eats the mom's brain - it's all that the mom can talk about from the moment she sees the dark purple line to, well, at least the next, well, 18 years. It's all-consuming.

I can see how that can happen. I mean, it's on my mind pretty much every second. Partly because I feel evidence of being pregnant pretty much every second. And of course, Mike & I love this kid already.

The fact is, that I'm pretty sure a kid will change everything about my life. And in so many ways I welcome that. I've wanted this for at least a few years.

But in other ways, there are still ways I want to change the world myself. Of course that means instilling godly values into my child. But I believe God has work left for me to do... in fact, am I not just beginning?

So how do I balance all of this? How do I still grow into me while I'm someone's mom? This adjustment feels sooooo big. And again - of course - I welcome it and couldn't be happier. It just feels pretty overwhelming right now. Am I totally overanalyzing this? Is it possible to overanalyze this?

Anyway...

today was my first "official" prenatal visit. Everything is perfectly "normal" and I am officially 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant. They count the weeks by Sundays, and my original due date is November 18.

We saw two nurse practitioners today, and they were very nice to us and excited for us. Mike's coworker had one of our NPs all through her pregnancy and said she was fabulous.

So the journey begins. Or continues.

a new life

2007-04-04T20:15:00.000-04:00

My blogger account hasn't been letting me post, though I've been trying for the past few weeks. Sorry if you've been checking my blog lately and seeing only the crazy "light" photo.

On the bright side, here's another photo for you... what my baby looks like this week. Those words are still so foreign... "my baby." I still feel like I'm talking about someone else!

Um, that's right. I'm 8 weeks along at the moment - our baby will be here this fall - probably in November. I go to my first official doctor's appointment tomorrow. I've been once, of course - to confirm the pregnancy.

And here's the little "pod" - as its Daddy calls it - now.

Mike told me, you should publish this photo on your blog

2007-03-14T23:45:00.000-04:00

rowing

2007-03-14T23:12:00.000-04:00

One of the most vivid clips I've ever seen on television was during an old episode of M*A*S*H. (It was an old rerun when I watched it, and that has to have been at least 10 or 11 years ago.)
Anyway, Hawkeye has been hammered with surgery after surgery, losing a lot of young men, and has gone days without sleep.
He finally succumbs to slumber, but has this terrible nightmare. He is rowing a canoe with his nurse, but instead of rowing through water, the river (inside a cave) is instead filled with body parts. Legs and arms and torsoes, on and on he rows, trying to find his way out of that damned (literally!) cave.

My head kind of feels like this lately, that I'm rowing in a river of victims and facts and images. Not that I've physically gone through anything as awful as Alan Alda's character, but in the past few weeks I've learned more about human trafficking than I ever wanted to know. Not that I don't want to know the truth. But the fact is that in addition to the truth 'setting you free' it also can set you on fire.

Tonight, I attended a meeting that discussed human trafficking both nationally and worldwide at St. Michael's (their peace & justice society...) with some friends & students from Malone . The presenters were phenomenal. Because of the writing & research I've done for another friend & his ministry, I was somewhat aware of the sex slave trade in Cambodia... but I guess tonight really woke me up to what is going on in the U.S. as well.

Ugh.

I want to do something real to help stop this problem. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I know that I have to do something. Soooo... there are trainings in March and April, in Toledo and Youngstown respectively. I'm not sure what they'll lead to, but I've gotta do something.

Romans 9:15 & 16
God told Moses, "I'm in charge of mercy. I'm in charge of compassion." Compassion doesn't originate in our bleeding hearts or moral sweat, but in God's mercy.

funny old finds

2007-03-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

Unlike Megs, Matt & Andrew, I'm not getting a new home.
But in the past few weeks, I've gotten two new offices.
I created an office for myself at home from my old throw-everything-in-there-room that now, as Carrie says, is sooooo New York :) And yes, Mom, I promise, photos to come. It's really inviting... and inspiring.

I also, this week, on Tuesday in fact, moved from one building to another at work. It's only 2 x 5 inches bigger than my old office, but it's so much nicer, and things are working out, to be frank, so much better than I think everyone expected them too. And now that my creative juices are flowing from creating my home office, my new work office is looking pretty good, too, despite the fact that I'm 'not allowed' to choose the paint color (at least yet!) . But I definitely can't complain - I have my own office.

And the other day, as my boss was purging her office, she came across a funny old card, thanking her for sending me to The Rep to interview for an internship. It's so funny to think of what might have happened if I wouldn't have gotten that gig...

Though we've been purging tons of stuff lately, we're definitely not getting rid of that note!

my fellow bookworms:

2007-02-06T15:32:00.000-05:00

A friend emailed me the list of 1000 books you must read before you die. I was a little surprised at how many of these I haven't read - as well as some very slighted books, such as Chronicles of Narnia, Til We Have Faces (or anything by C.S. Lewis), Peace Like a River, The Secret Lives of Bees, Mandy (my childhood favorite) and numerous others.

But there are some great ones on here.

For what it's worth...

http://www.listology.com/content_show.cfm/content_id.22845/Books

Happy Groundhog Day!

2007-02-02T08:47:00.000-05:00

Phil Says Spring is Right Around the Corner!

Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/07 at 7:28 a.m. at Gobbler's Knob:

El Nino has caused high winds, heavy snow, ice and freezing temperatures in the west.
Here in the East with much mild winter weather we have been blessed.

Global warming has caused a great debate.
This mild winter makes it seem just great.

On this Groundhog Day we think of one thing.
Will we have winter or will we have spring?

On Gobbler's Knob I see no shadow today.
I predict that early spring is on the way.

dealing in reality

2007-02-01T23:04:00.000-05:00

most of you know that i was the middle child.

and sometimes, the middle child is so busy playing the peacemaker and the positive spinner that she doesn't always face the truth as honestly as perhaps she should.

or maybe it has nothing to do with being a middle child. maybe it just has something to do with being me.

tiny stumblin' steps

2007-02-01T22:23:00.000-05:00

so i'm quitting my weekend job.

i know, i know. i've done it about eight times before. but...ninth time is a charm, right? kinda like a nine lives thing or something.

well, I know. i shoulda done it a long time ago. so why didn't i?

see, the thing is, i keep myself so busy with stuff, that i'm not so sure what to do with down time. i have to fill that time with something whatever it is. even the time i don't have, i fill with something (volunteering, freelancing, you-name-it). literally, the only weekends i have taken off in the past, oh, several years, was when i had obligations at my other job or something specific, like a party or a wedding or something.

sick, i know.

and that's just the point... working so much has made me sort of...sick. like it takes my body longer to get rid of illnesses. and i'm burned out. seriously.burned.out.

yet this week, all i've thought about is what i'm going to start doing with my weekends. (and, i must admit, what i'm going to do without the extra cash that i've gotten used to.)

so, folks, if you're free on a weekend, give me a call. oh, wait, there i go, filling up all my time again.

but seriously, give me a call.

really brave or really stupid

2007-01-25T23:01:00.000-05:00

I did something this week that was either really brave or really stupid.

I joined the f/s intramural basketball team.

And then I told my husband about it. (That was really stupid, but the games are generally in late evenings: anywhere from 8 to 11.)

So tonight, at our first game [oddly enough I know all my other teammates, and my other teammates know me, but no one else knew each other and no practice - just straight up game time] my husband decided to bring his good camera. Well, he threatened the video camera, but I pulled out the "If you love me, you won't" card.

And though I was terrified of humiliating myself, I only embarrassed myself at a level of oh, say, 5, (on a scale of 10) and rather than the 15 that I had feared.

And I scored a basket!

But I also fouled three people. So does that cancel each other out?

a funny old photo

2007-01-02T14:31:00.000-05:00

A coupla weeks ago at my grandfather's funeral, my sister Sarah was given this photo. It makes me laugh - and it brings back sooooo many memories. I always had my nose in a book. And I can't tell you how many nights of how many summers & weekends that Sarah, Brooke, and I spent together in Grandma & Grandpa's spare bedroom in the comforts of childhood.

please pray...

2006-12-31T01:46:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, there were several fires in downtown Canton.

In one, five people were taken to the hospital to be treated for smoke inhalation.

In the other, five people perished, quickly. An 11-year-old, a 13-year-old, a man, and a brand-newly-engaged couple.

In addition to the friends and families of those who lost their lives... please also pray for the firefighters, and the cops, and the news reporters, and the photographers.

This stuff isn't easy...

http://www.cantonrep.com/slides/2006-12-29_fires/index.html

better than bows

2006-12-31T01:03:00.000-05:00

"I hope we have a kid by next Christmas," Mike said to me on Monday. "I think it would restore some of the magic of Christmas."

I'm not sure if he's just saying that because one of his best friends & their kids are at Disney for Christmas, or if he really is ready for diapers and bottles and crying... and smiles and giggles and first steps and snuggling and being someone's whole world for a while.

We got each other everything we requested - and then some - but I think we're both at the point that we are ready for the next step. Not that we're not very happy now - we are - and having a baby isn't an obsession with us, we just think we're ready. More than ready :0)

We'll see what the year brings, right? I mean... who knows. So much can happen in a year.

Right now, I'm studying about hope... as in expectant, active, confident waiting hope.

I guess that's what Advent is all about, right? Waiting, expectantly, for the magic of Christmas - that Christ came and was here and is coming again.

help!

2006-12-18T23:13:00.000-05:00

okay, so... i've bought the Christmas cards.

i've addressed about half of them.

and i haven't sent ANY of them!

i do that every year... i always buy & address Christmas cards, and yet i rarely actually send them.

so, my friends, if you happen to get a Christmas card from me, i'll have had a good week.

and if not, know that i'm thinking about you :)

this i believe...

2006-12-11T17:20:00.000-05:00

npr has been doing snippets every Monday about faith, entitled 'this i believe.' i heard a bit of it today, and even though it was a belief much different than mine, i appreciated it.

what do i believe?

i believe... in faith. faith has never not been a part of my life. certainly, i've been "born again" at a specific time/date/place... but for me faith has always been ever more than that. it's ingrained into my earliest memories, my deepest desires, everything of whom i believe myself to be. i believe in a faith that's more than a bumper sticker or a list of dos and don'ts. i believe in a faith that's about more than politics, and intrinsically, i am leery of when they're mixed together. not because people aren't sincere, but because most politicians only care about a vote. i believe faith is action... that faith and social justice should not be separated. i believe that by helping the body that the soul is helped as well, and that when one helps the body, the body who is in need will then be open to the faith. i believe that faith can be difficult and gut-wrenching and beautiful and simple and honest.

i believe... in love, and i believe that love is a choice. at our best, every human being will still screw up, and i must choose to love them any way. my family members, my spouse, my friends... and even more difficultly, myself.

i believe... in doing whatever one can to relieve suffering in others. it's easy to see suffering everywhere one looks - in those with money, in those without; in those who seem to have everything, in those who seem to have nothing. suffering takes on many forms and too often i ignore suffering, but on my best days, i think that i can do something to take some of someone's suffering away. sometimes i can offer relief in big ways; sometimes it is by barely doing anything.

i believe that it takes a long time to get to who you want to become. and that's okay.

i believe in truth, and i believe that there is absolute truth, despite my tendency to be really gray.

i believe in friendship. i believe in grace. i believe in beauty. i believe in art. i believe in childhood, and i think that every human should have a good one. i believe in adoption.
more later... :)

update:

2006-12-08T16:41:00.000-05:00

DAYTON, Ohio (AP) — A mother suspected of killing her month-old daughter in 2005 by putting her in a microwave oven was indicted Thursday on a charge of aggravated murder, and the prosecutor said he would seek the death penalty.
The indictment against China Arnold, 26, does not provide details on the death of Paris Talley. Investigators have said evidence that includes high-heat internal injuries and the absence of external burn marks on the baby were consistent with a microwave oven.
“The Montgomery County coroner came to the conclusion that the injuries sustained by this baby could have only been caused by being placed into a microwave oven and having that oven turned on and cooked the baby to death,” Montgomery Country Prosecutor Mathias Heck Jr. said at a news conference.
Heck said Arnold would be subject to the death penalty if convicted because the victim was a child.
Heck said the baby was killed in the early morning hours of Aug. 30, 2005, at Arnold’s home. He declined to discuss motive or release any other details about the case.
Arnold took the baby to the hospital after finding her unconscious at home, according to defense attorney Jon Paul Rion. He said she told hospital officials she did not know what had happened to the child.
Rion has said Arnold had nothing to do with her daughter’s death and was stunned when she was told a microwave might have been involved. He said she plans to plead not guilty.
“China has the moral courage and the confidence in her God that the truth will come out in this case,” Rion said. “We will seek every single way possible to communicate to our government and to the jury in this case that China is innocent of all the charges.”
Police said a microwave oven was taken as evidence. Ken Betz, director of the Montgomery County coroner’s office, said the case was difficult because there is not a lot of scientific research on the effect of microwaves on humans.
The night before the baby was taken to the hospital, Arnold and the child’s father went out for a short time and left the child with a baby sitter, Rion said. The mother didn’t sense anything out of the ordinary until the next morning, when the child was found unconscious, Rion said.
Arnold was arrested Nov. 27. She is being held on $1 million bond in the Montgomery County Jail.
Heck said he will ask the court to order Arnold held without bond. She is scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday.

justice and grace

2006-11-28T21:24:00.000-05:00

sunday night, mike & i were watching the news, when across the tube came a story about a man who had found an infant in an suv inside a garage he shared with his duplex cohorts.

when he opened the car door, the stench of urine and feces made him buckle to his knees. he immediately called 9-1-1, and paramedics determined that the baby had not eaten or been out of the clothes basket it was found in for at least two or three days.

my husband and i looked at each other, not giving voice to words of anger, doubts, the sense of injustice welling on our tongues.

today, when i got the news e-mail alert (yes, certfied news junkie here) that the 23-year-old mother in the 'abandoned baby' case had been arrested - mommy and daddy went away for the weekend and decided to leave the infant in his car. i clicked on the link to read more and the link under that story has had me furious and haunted ever since.

a dad tried to sell his five-year old on craigslist - and worse, a million times worse: a. mom. was. arrested. for. murdering. her. one. month. old. daughter. by. putting. her. in. the. MICROWAVE!

seriously. from Dayton (the mom took the child to the hospital where sarah used to work). here is the link: http://www.newsnet5.com/home-backup/10411941/detail.html.

what in the hell is wrong with people? seriously... i cannot imagine anything more purely evil, more heinous, than murdering your own child.

give your child to me. i'll take it. purple, green, black, white, healthy, sick, one month old, 15-years-old - i don't care. drop him or her on my doorstep. and i know i'm not the only person who feels like that.

i think most days anyway (remember how gray I am... or see previous post - "sometimes") that i am pretty positive i am a dyed-in-the-wool-'feminist-for-life'-anti-capital-punishment-pacifist. killing is wrong - even if it's someone who deserves death because according to the Word, we are all sinners deserving of death and Jesus loved us enough to die in our place. and Jesus died even for the mom who killed her own baby with the microwave. i know that in my head, and i believe it in my heart, i guess even when push comes to shove. we are not supposed to kill the very people Jesus calls us to love simply because Jesus loves them. there is more to life than to what is here now... and we cannot take into our hands what is not ours to take. i believe that it is God's role only to take life.

and yet... and yet we must live by the laws that govern our society, and face the consequences for doing otherwise.

we are supposed to love them... . we must bring them to justice... . Jesus loves them... . our God is Justice.... Jesus is Grace.

and i... well, me and my gray old brain will just have to keep questioning that which has no answer.

Happy 5th Birthday, Sam!

2006-11-21T09:27:00.000-05:00

welcome, little ones

2006-11-16T21:42:00.000-05:00

Two new children entered my world this week.

"Ann" and "Olivia" joined the King family last Thursday, and they came to our house for dinner last night.

Technically, I met Olivia a few weeks ago, but only for a few minutes.

Seven and nine, they are funny and sweet. They like to show off their knowledge of spelling words and for dinner they requested bacon and cheese calzones and they didn't want vegetables for dinner, but Carrie made them pick one vegetable from the salad, so Ann had tomatoes and Olivia chose carrots. And for dessert, Ann had a cupcake with sprinkles while Olivia wanted a purple popsicle.

After dinner, while Carrie & Mike caught up on recent events, I found cartoon network on tv for the kids, and Olivia asked me to look up something about her name on my laptop. They piled up on Uncle Mike to hug him and tickle him - all three girls at once.

My friends have gone through a lot to welcome these children into their home, and they still have a long road ahead of them.

And E - the child they brought home from the hospital days after her birth - a gorgeous, well-adjusted, bright, funny, three-year-old is kind of in a whirlwind, too. She's torn between wanting to be a big girl and wanting everyone's undivided attention and how she fits in to this much bigger world now.

In their last home, they were among 12 foster children. They were safe and loved and protected, but it was made clear that this was not their permanent home. Here, they have their own bedroom and only one other sibling and their last name will change - Olivia is so excited that her initials will be "O K".

Yup.

It will be A-O K.

Welcome to our community, girls. We love you already!

genoa city

2006-11-07T23:15:00.000-05:00

when i was sick in junior high/high school and stayed at home, i spent all day on the couch, usually reading, and often watching the lives of the "young and the restless" as they played out in genoa city from 12:30-1:30 p.m. my mom was a closet fan...(sorry for outing you, Mom!)

the funny thing about genoa city is that most of the players are the same. sure, they've had about 50 marital affairs between them, 15+ children added, and progressing in age tv-fast. there's always a murder here or there, or some dramatic work situation. the funny thing is, you can not watch it for years (or at least months) and you can catch up on most of the drama by the time 1:26 p.m. rolls around.

i could have gone to work today, but this morning was feeling awful when i first got up. plus, Mike caught this bug from his co-workers & gave it to me, and if i would have gone in today, i was afraid my co-workers would have gotten ill. no thanks... don't want to be the office dragon. so i slept (off & on) till 11-ish, watched y&r, did my civic duty & voted, and spent the rest of my day on the couch, solving "pogo" crossword puzzles (thanks, Dawn!), and loading up on advil allergy & sinus (the kind you now have to purchase behind the counter) and bottles of dasani.

and now... i'm stir crazy, feeling good, and looking forward to work tomorrow.

how sick is that? :)