Addicted to Ink

Wednesday, August 01, 2007


so about three months before i found out i was pregnant, my very good friend and co-worker told me hesitantly, sensitively - she knew how badly i wanted a baby - that she was expecting number 2.

to be totally honest - and it kinda surprised me a little - i didn't have the slightest bit of jealousy. i was thrilled for her. she is an awesome mom to her daughter, and i was truly, deeply, happy for her.

when i learned that i was pregnant, she was one of the very first to know. So for almost 6 1/2 months now, we have been dreaming and planning together, imagining what life will be like with these precious two new lives, looking forward to play dates and baby showers, debating the merit of the names Andrew and Anthony and Cameron... and Ava and Alaina... and finally deciding (I think!) on Averie and Dominic.

this morning, my friend called our office to let us know that she was going into labor. we were so excited, anticipating the long-expected news. how big would she be? (first baby was huge.) would she have tons of hair (first baby had more than any newborn i've ever seen.) what would they actually name her? (last time, they changed their minds at the last second.)

well, my other co-worker is searching for a car, and my "car-czar" husband is helping him negotiate a deal. Co-worker had been pressured into taking new car for an overnight test drive, and the car czar insisted he take it back, and that i tag along for moral support. we went, late in the afternoon, and co-worker did a great job of fielding off car salesman's advances. anyway, we were laughing and joking as we got back to the office, but other co-workers seemed quite glum. our aa took us into our private conference room to give us the bad news.

the baby didn't make it.

those five shocking, devastating nightmare words that rob your breath and break your heart and take a while to sink in. words which cause immeasureable grief, which leave a mother's arms empty, words which leave a father helpless.

so i pray. i question the justice of it all, knowing that we'll never understand why... at least in the here and now. i plead for comfort and peace, for healing of body and souls.

and we grieve, deeply. not as though those who have no hope - because we do have incredible hope... in the One whose arms this precious baby lies now.

but it still hurts... worse than anything these two amazing people have ever in their lives faced.

God be with them in the days... and weeks... and months... and years ahead.


Blogger Aunt Cindy said...

Dearest Amber, I too grieve for your friends. God knows what is best. It is hard to realize that at this time. You just take care of yourself and baby. Don't let this get you down too much, please. I will remember them and you in my prayers. I love you, Aunt Cindy

9:24 PM  

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