Addicted to Ink

Saturday, July 29, 2006

living the story

Twice in the past month I have presented about the power of story.

I have used this quote both times... I love this: "My story is important, not because it is mine...but because if I tell it anything like right, the chances are you will recognize that, in many ways, it is also yours.” (Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets)

and this:
"Because of this story of Jesus, each of our own stories is in countless ways different from what it would have been otherwise, and that is why in speaking about him he we must speak also about ourselves and about ourselves with him and without him too because that, of course, is the other story we have in us to remember and tell. Our own story.'‘ (Buechner, "A Room Called Remember"

And yet...and yet I am having so much trouble with my own story lately.
You see, I know God loves all of us desperately, and wants to bless us and "use" us beyond our wildest dreams. I believe that for everyone. Except, well, me.

The whys keep nagging at me. The not-good-enoughs. The when-I-finally-get-this-area-of-my-life-worked-out-on-my-own, THEN God-will-fulfill-this-desperate desire. And yet, if a friend told me that, I'd say - oh- that's not the way God works. God works through those imperfections. In spite of those imperfections. Silly, you don't have to be perfect for God to love you and bless you and use you to bring truth and justice and goodness to your brothers and sisters. Of course He has a place for you in His Kingdom. I see that here and there and here. This is where you fit. This is how you fit. This is just one of the ways God uses you.
Yet even when my friends point these things out to me... I still struggle to believe them. Lord, I thought I'd conquered this battle before. Years ago!

And yet, hope...

"Though we would never have had the courage or the faith or the wit to die for him any more than we have ever imagined to live for him very well either, his story will come true in us at last.''


Blogger dawn said...

Amber, I love the first quote too because it is so true! I read your words in this post and I hear my own story in them. I think it is just one of those challenges of faith. Just when you think you've won, it creeps back up on you. Doubt. Uncertainty. Ugh.

Wish I had some good advice to give, but I share your struggle. All I can offer is this: listen to your friends when they point out to you the hows and the wheres. We are not able to see ourselves that clearly. And maybe, if you listen enough, you'll start to believe it.

Now I have a story for you, from a Max Lucado book called In the Grip of Grace. Here's a link (hope it works):

Which one are you?

2:08 PM  
Blogger amber said...

That's a great book, Dawn - I love it. And thanks for your thoughtful response :0)

Though I think all Americans especially struggle with materialism, and I would imagine every person struggles at some point to really make this world our home, I'm not so much and never really have been the first brother.

Once upon a time, I was very much the second brother. In late high school, early college, I was very much the judgemental one... and I saw EVERY single moral issue in very black and very white with very little grace for those who saw something from a different lense. But that's not all bad - I think it protected me from a lot of dangerous things.

These days, though I sometimes act more like the third brother, I think I'm a different sort... half-building, half-climbing, tagging along after the Eldest Brother the best I know how. At least, that's how I see it.

8:53 PM  

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