Authenticity, Truth

I've had an awesome week in New York this week. Especially yesterday, our touristy day (with the exception of stepping in human feces in the subway. DIS-GUST-ING!)
We saw Fiddler on the Roof, which was absolutely amazing. All of the actors were amazing, but Harvey Fierstein? Amazing. Perfect. Phenomenal.

But today....

Lately, the big question swirling in my brain is "What is a Christian?" I meet so many people who are at so many places spiritually (that's true for all of us). My conservative friends would define "Christian" so much differently than my liberal friends. I have such good friends on both sides of the fence- (I learned today that it's because of my DISC personality type -- I'm SI! I'm learning a lot about myself lately...) that sometimes it leaves me wondering who is right... . It's kind of funny (ironic funny) because on one side, the most extreme right there's so much legalism, judgement, and disgust (all in Christian love, of course!) and on the most extreme other side, there is, well, recklessness, bitterness, and judgement for the other side for judging them. I recognize and affirm the fact that there is absolute truth but what is most True is God's command to love. To love Him, really love Him. And to love others. Wherever they're at.

And getting back to today...the other day, Deb was telling me about a preacher in Kiev who has the most humongous church and how amazing it's doing. She'd heard him speak at a conference, and he was talking about how we Christians don't even access the incredible power we have.

Shino (the vp at nyak) introduced this tiny woman who gave the best sermon I've ever heard. It was based on 2 Chronicles 32 (the whole chapter), a text I've NEVER paid attention to before. And after it, I felt God tell me that I have lost confidence in His power. Ouch. But it's true. I needed to hear it. I needed to confess it. I needed to repent of it. Old-fashioned words, but truth.

Maybe it's because of my hubristic post the other day, but I feel this deep need to pray not just "thanks-for-the-food-please-heal-my-friend and now-i-lay-me-down-to-sleep" prayers, but honest-to-goodness affecting-change-kind of prayers.

Guess I better learn how.

My week...

Ah, just got back from Meg's wedding in Chicago - AWESOME!
What a great wedding, with great people, and lots of fun.
Megan said at one point Friday night that she thought she was turning into Bridezilla but it never happened. She was just herself - I love Megan :0) I am so happy that she and Matt have each other. I believe they were truly meant to be.

As I was coming home, though, I still kept thinking about how much I missed being at and IN Rachel's wedding. Then, of all people, we ran into her husband, Dave, who was coming home to see her! How crazy is that?

Then today, I cleaned all day, bought stuff for my trip this week, and cleaned some more (my Martha-Stewart-Aunt-in-law is coming up from Florida, and I won't be here!). Yup. She's the most amazingly talented woman with the most amazing house... and she's coming to mine! Yikes! She's very gracious, though, (as is her sister, my mother-in-law, the best EVER). I try hard with my house - especially lately - but I'm no Martha Stewart.

I'm looking forward to this week - and especially hoping to see Wicked. I love NYC - but I haven't been there since before 2001.

Finished a great book today, The Secret Life of Bees. People have been recommending it for awhile, and it's been on my list, but I just hadn't picked it up yet. Then, at our hotel in Chicago, (we stayed at a Country Inn & Suites) I saw a whole table of that particular book. I guess they have a program that lets you pick up books & return it on your next visit, or just drop it off at one by your house. So I took it & couldn't put it down.

Okay, so it's late, and I'm rambling. Time for bed. Well, finish laundry finish packing, and then bed.

Night.

Good news

Yay! I love good news - things are looking up for my friend's situation. Can't wait to go to Chicago - then New York City. Sure it's for work, but still very much fun. I saw a "Wicked" performance on The Late Show last night. Hoping to see them on Broadway - we'll see.

Other than that - just tired today. Lance kicked my butt at exercise class last night. I really needed it.

oh...yeah

I have no tattoos.
Prob'ly should have thought about how my title sounded before I named my blog.

through the fire

I can't turn off the big sister part of me.

Isn't it my job to take care of others, to help them, to carry their burden, to make everything all better? If they are sick, I want to heal them, if they are doing stupid things I want to tell them what to do instead. If they need money, I want to pay for them, if they are in trouble, I want to take away the consequences for them.

When I got the first email from my friend saying "they found a lump the size of a baseball" I couldn't breathe. I had a flashback to the 8th grade, when we discovered that my mom had cancer. Turns out, I learned yesterday, 9 days before her wedding, my friend has the same kind my mom did. (Mom's good now - has been cancer free for 10 years.) It's just so evil, all of the things she's going to have to go through. She's going to get through it - she's one of the strongest, emotionally healthy, physically healthy (otherwise) people I know. And anyway, who am I to write about her pain? I just wish I could take all of this away for her - I'd even go through it myself instead if I could. Instead I must settle for praying for her. Doesn't that sound funny? Ridiculous? In fact, hubristic? "Settle for" praying for her - when that is the most helpful thing I can do? Why is that the hardest when it's what is most necessary?

So pray I will with all of my heart - to the One who promised,
"But now," thus says the LORD, your Creator... And He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior... . Since you are precious in My sight, Since you are honored and I love you... . Do not fear, for I am with you... . Everyone who is called by My name, And whom I have created for My glory, I have formed, even whom I have made."

The Ambers inside of me

"There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting."

I fell in love with reading as a kindergartner (thanks, Mom!) and in third grade I fell in love with writing, too, as I started making up my own stupid stories about penguins and teddy bears and anything else that Miss Mason showed us pictures of and told us to write stories about... .

For many years of my childhood, I wanted to be a veterinarian, but my profound allergies to cats forced me to reconsider.

While I've always loved writing, in the past few years as a newspaper journalist and a writer for Malone's alumni magazine (and website and annual report and a host of other things) I've found myself daydreaming enviously of other careers - social work, teaching, counseling, pastoring, hands-on-directly-changing-lives-kinds-of-careers.

But in recent months, God has given me peace, when I choose to look for it, in what I believe is my calling to be a writer. He's helped me realize how, more than anything else, writers have in fact shaped me life and have affected me more than anything else: from Julie Andrews Edwards (Mandy, The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles) to Laura Ingalls Wilder to L.M. Montgomery to John Grisham to C.S. Lewis and Richard Foster and Anne Lammott and Philip Yancey and Lauren Winner.

And even more lately, I've really started to love editing, too. What will become of me?