reflections on 2005

---'Kay, so I usually don't post stuff like this on my blog, but I don't want to keep depressing people, and though some of these may be depressing answers, well, there are some fun ones, too! If you don't find it too cheesey & wanna post your own answers, please do!

40 questions about 2005:

1) Was 2005 a good year for you?
It's been a growing year. While there have been some tragedies, there have been a lot of happy moments, too. The last few weeks have been especially difficult, but I'm grateful for deepening friendships, the fantastic weddings that have taken place, ways I've learned and grown.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Ringing in the New Year with Michael, Toni, Sarah, and Thomas in January. Jubilee in February. The Outer Banks in May with Michael, and spending quiet, peaceful hours at the ocean. Going to an OTR concert in May (for my birthday) and hanging out with friends afterward at Luigi's. Being a part of Meg's wedding in July. Watching my sister marry the love of her life and standing up as her matron of honor. Learning something special with my very favorite person in the world. Interviewing people for my book. TPP in September. Making new friends. Cheering for Allissa as graduated, and being with her when she got her driver's license. Hearing Tony Campolo speak. Meeting Lauren Winner. Reading books I'd looked forward to for a while. Blue Man Group in October. Seeing Fiddler on the Roof on Broadway. Learning that April was pregnant and Heather was engaged. Meeting Makenna Jade Holloway, who was born in July and Roman DeMio of Cincinatti. Seeing Rachael & Todd marry. Finally getting to see Rachel in a play ---and she stole the show. Watching Narnia on a very special night with lots of very special people. Hours of phone conversations with Meg. QT with family. (Okay, so moments!)

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? In chronological order: the tsunami, when Susan Stewart suffered a brain aneurism (she's doing pretty well now, though), when my cousin Andra lost so many dangerous pounds, finding out about Meg's cancer, Hurricane Katrina, getting sued, learning that my Grandma was in the final stages of cirrhosis of the liver, learning my Grandfather had only two weeks, Dad's heart attack, and when Grandpa died.

4) Where were you when 2005 began? At home

5) Who were you with? With my Michael & Toni & Sarah & Thomas

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? Don't know, actually.

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? Again, don't know. Hopefully Michael, if his work schedule works out that way.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't think I made any real ones

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? Not yet.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? My husband finds new ways to make me fall in love with him every single day. (Okay, you can gag now. But it's true ;0) )

11) If yes, with who? See above--Mike

12) If yes, do they know? I just told him.

13) Are you still in love with them? Yes

14) Do you regret it? Of course not.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? Hmm. My hairdresser. I'm pretty noncommittal with stylists anyway, tho. Sorry!

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes! Andrew and Dawn--I was so excited to meet you two! Jana-the-new-photographer, Roman, Kim (Mark's new wife), Carl, Charles.

17) Who are your favorite new friends? They're all great, but I really enjoy our little blogging community :0)

18) What was your favorite month of 2005?May, July, and October were the best.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? No, last year was my year for international travel. And I'm planning to go to Ukraine next year. And if Sarah & Thomas move overseas, we'll likely visit them there.

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? Let's see, Pittsburgh, PA in February (and again in September, first for Jubilee, then for TPP); DC, Virginia and NC in May; Chicago IL and Kenosha Wisconsin in July; New York, New York in July; Arizona & Nevada in October, and NC again in December.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? Grandpa, last Wednesday.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yeah...Of course.

23) What was your favorite NEW movie that you saw in 2005? Narnia

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? This wasn't born in 2005, but Latter Days by OTR

25) What was your favorite record from 2005? Did How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb come out in '05 or '04?

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? Only a few. The notable ones were the OTR one in May and Blue Man Group in October.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? Those two were both amazing.

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005? Honestly, not really. A few social drinks here & there with friends. A few bottles of wine here & there with Mike (and sometimes Paul-ly).

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? Not even tylenol, except for a rare headache.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? One. I've only ever slept with one person...

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Yeah...not losing enuf weight or eating healthily enough.

32) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? "I'll think about it"

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? Unfortunately--don't we all? Also unfortunately, it tends to be the people I care about the most.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Of course, but nothing that hasn't been forgiven & forgotten.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005? Too much, of course. As for an exact figure, I have no freaking clue.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?Sending A Gathered Stillness to the printer. Watching Michael enjoy Blue Man Group. Seeing my beautiful sister beam on her wedding day.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? My whole sulfur burn incident, because of its location on my body. . .

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change it what would it be?Being somewhat of a realist, I guess I don't think about that all that much. Of course there are words I wish I wouldn't have spoken (or written), food I wish I wouldn't have eaten, dollars I wish I would have spent another way, etc. etc., but I feel as though I've learned from at least most of those regrets.

40) What are your plans for 2006? Celebrating anniversary number FIVE (can you believe it?) with Michael, visiting Megs in Chicago, going on a fun camping trip, going to Ukraine, again going to Pittsburgh for TPP and Jubilee, welcoming Baby Ramser, and hopefully... welcoming a baby?

Grandpa

Here's a picture of my Grandpa.

My memories of him are all happy...joyful. I'm thankful for that.

I will miss him, but I'm glad he's not in the intolerable pain he was near the end.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, my friends.

I appreciate them--and I appreciate you!

My dad's surgery went well today. Hopefully he'll be able to go home soon.

Take care, all!

mourning

In a little bit, my phone will ring.

It will be my brother. My brother, who's had a difficult go of life and has trouble getting it all together. Right now his telephone service is shut off. He didn't pay his bill in time. But my mom has called Home Depot, where he works third shift, and left a message for him to call me when he gets in because there have been family emergencies.

Perhaps I'll ask him how he is. What he's been up to lately. Or if he's in a hurry, or not allowed to talk long, there will be no time to soften the blow.

"Grandpa Murnahan died tonight," I will tell him. I have a lot to tell him, so hopefully I will be able to keep it all together.

"I'm not sure when the services are. Will you be able to come? Is there any other way to get in touch with you?"

And then I will have to tell him about Dad. He, in essense, had a heart attack Friday night. He's at a hospital in Greenville (two hours from his home) where he's been since Saturday night, the night that my baby sister got married.

Dad seems to be doing really well. They put a stunt in his heart and did an angioplaste today. Tomorrow they will insert a defibulator, which I think is similar to a pacemaker if not the same thing, but I could be wrong. Mom says he might get to come home on Friday.

The last time I visited my grandfather, I cried all the way home. Somehow in my heart, I knew it'd be the last time I'd visit him. I couldn't stop hugging him, or kissing his bald, jaundiced forehead. We all knew the time was near.

And the time was tonight.

difficult find

How's everyone doing on Christmas shopping this year?

I'm nearly done, but I have a dilemma.

My grandmother is requesting a boyfriend for Christmas. That's the only thing she wants, she says. Anyone know of any eligible elderly gentlemen?

Well, though, we were at Cracker Barrel last night and she was ogling a really ugly, flashy cream colored sweater with gold sequins and a furry collar.

"That's so pretty," she said, reaching out to touch it.

So unless I can find her a boyfriend in about 17 days, ugly CB sweater it is.

Strange intimacy

There is something comforting about attending a church that was established there, in that exact same location, in 1825. Yet the church has a great mixture of the very young, the very old, and lots of folks in the middle. It seems healthy to me.

Yesterday there, my friend Maria who is from China, says to me: "You look different now. I can see it in your face."

"I just don't have my glasses on, Maria. That's all," I said to her, laughing. Maria says things to me that no one else could. Like if I've gained a few pounds or something. Yet she's so innocent and sincere about it, it's not an insult at all. Just honesty.

"No, no, it's not just the glasses," she says. "You have worry now."

I do, a lot of worry, and yet, I have joy, too. I have a lot of amazing, amazing things in my life.

And mostly, I have a real God who is big enough to handle all of the everything that comes along...because nothing surprises Him. He can handle my anger, my stress, my grumpiness, and my frustration, my lack of discipline, even my irreverance...